


Splendid Isolation

by haldoor



Category: Firefly
Genre: Angst, F/M, Isolation, M/M, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-30
Updated: 2014-03-30
Packaged: 2018-01-17 13:31:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1389493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haldoor/pseuds/haldoor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>Warnings/Spoilers:</b> None for the show; lack of happy ending (if that bothers you)<br/><b>Disclaimer:</b> I don't own Firefly or any of the characters; no money was made<br/><b>Beta:</b> Unbeta'd. Feel free to point out any glaring errors<br/><b>Summary:</b> Mal feels alone<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	Splendid Isolation

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Chokolatte (ChokolatteJedi)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChokolatteJedi/gifts), [ChokolatteJedi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChokolatteJedi/gifts).



> Written for [](http://chokolattejedi.livejournal.com/profile)[**chokolattejedi**](http://chokolattejedi.livejournal.com/) as a reward for her August Rush contributions at [](http://1-million-words.livejournal.com/profile)[**1_million_words**](http://1-million-words.livejournal.com/) last year. Her prompt was: _Mal-centric, prompt: song 'Afterlife' by Avenged Sevenfold_. I'm not sure exactly this fits with your prompt, my dear, but a certain sense of isolation was the strongest feeling I got from the song; a touch of being very close to getting what was wanted, and yet knowing that the time wasn't right, so I hope you see something of that here. And as an added bonus, this happens to fit the 'isolation' square on my March Bingo, also from [](http://1-million-words.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://1-million-words.livejournal.com/)**1_million_words**. Sorry too, for the delay, Chok.

"If you change your mind, you know where to find me," Mal said with a smile as he left Inara's salon.

The look she aimed at him said there wasn't a cold chance in hell.

He shrugged and headed for the bridge. Wash was there, playing with his dinosaurs like a little kid, and Mal hesitated in the doorway, then backed away again before Wash could see him and be embarrassed about the game.

There was something about the finality of Inara's look tonight that sent a spiral of self-pity through Mal, and he decided that what he needed was something a little quieter than usual. Instead of heading to the common room where most likely everyone else was, he moved down the corridor towards his bunkroom. He was certain he'd left some of that Anduvian red in his bottom drawer for just such an occasion.

Dropping down into the room, he frowned at the uncharacteristic melancholy that filled him. Did he really care that Inara was never likely to want to do more than play flirtatious games with him as they pretended she didn't care for him as much as he did for her?

He found the bottle and sprawled on his bunk, cradling it. "You like me more'n she do, don't you?" he asked the wine, unplugging it and taking a mouthful to swirl around before swallowing. "Well, I like you just fine too."

Mal eased his boots off before taking another swig of the tangy warmth, closing his eyes as it slid smoothly down to his gullet. "Maybe it's time I told her to go her own way anyhow, and found myself somethin' else to make Serenity respectable-like."

Allowing his thoughts to shift to his other – he wouldn't call it an obsession exactly – main thought when he wasn't considering ways to convince Inara to allow him more than clothed visits to her place, he wondered if it was 'normal' for men to look at two such differently shiny people in such similar ways almost simultaneously.

Simon was nothing like Inara, except they were both dark. And the good doctor was unlikely to have feelings anywhere near what Mal had finally come to terms with having for him. And that, he told himself with another swallow of the excellent wine, was precisely why he would never tell anyone the reasons he allowed Simon and River Tam to remain on his boat other than not wanting the Alliance to win.

~//~

"You seen the Captain?" Simon asked Kaylee with a frown.

"Now you come to mention it," Kaylee smiled winningly at him, "I haven't; not lately anyways."

"There was something I wanted to discuss with him," Simon said, backing away before Kaylee distracted him any further. He liked Kaylee, but somehow things always went wrong between them, no matter how he tried to avoid it. Maybe it was that she was so incredibly sweet; he wasn't sure. Or it could be how masterful she seemed when she was coaxing Serenity's engines to do things not even Malcolm Reynolds thoughts the ship could do.

Or maybe… it was the other thing.

The one Simon didn't want to admit, even to himself.

No, he was not going there, he told himself as he continued his sweep of the ship in search of the captain, even if that was who he was currently seeking for entirely other reasons.

"Bunkroom."

Jayne's voice echoing off the far side of the hold almost made Simon fall off the ladder he was climbing. He gripped the handrail tighter and stopped for a moment, lifting his head to focus on Jayne's hat, which was currently bobbing from side to side on the walkway above him. Jayne himself, Simon couldn't see yet.

"Bunkroom?" Simon repeated, and slowly began to move again.

"Yup," Jayne affirmed, standing up from behind a container, his hat on the end of his rifle."Saw him duck down into it a while ago. Might not be the time to be disturbin' him, mind you."

Simon reached the walkway, frowning at Jayne's hat rather than the man himself. "It's important, or I wouldn't be looking for him."

Jayne followed Simon's line of sight and lowered the gun, snatching his hat off the end and placing it firmly on his head before stomping past Simon. "Suit yourself," he threw over his shoulder. "Don't say I didn't warn you."

Simon snorted to himself and headed in the direction of Mal's bunkroom.

~//~

"Thing is," Mal muttered to himself, "S'not that I don't think he'd be worth it-"

"Captain?"

Mal blinked, wondering if he'd imagined the voice for a moment. It sounded like Simon. A movement at his doorway drew Mal's eye upward. "Jeez, doc, what're you hangin' up there for? C'mon down where I can focus proper-like."

He blinked some more as Simon slowly lowered himself into the room, taken by how long and slim his limbs were.

"Sorry to be bothering you when you're… having time to yourself."

Simon looked as nervous as the words sounded, and Mal couldn't help his lop-sided grin. "Sometimes isolation is a good thing," he told the man, holding up the bottle of wine. "And sometimes, I'm thinkin' someone to share a drink with would be better." He straightened up, suddenly aware of how woozy he was becoming. "Whoa… S'good wine. Anduvian."

"No, thanks, I… uh, shouldn't." Simon's smile didn't look easy. "Perhaps this isn't the time for me to ask."

Mal patted the bed beside him. "Come on, doc, loosen up some. A little wine never hurt, and if'n it's a difficult question, maybe it's a better time to ask than when I'm stone-cold sober." He smiled.

"You… don't have any glasses."

"Hmm." Mal looked around the room. "Think I have a mug somewhere. Let me think… ah!" He managed to stand up without falling over, and wove across the room, sliding past Simon a lot closer than he would normally. Locating the mug in a compartment behind the ladder, he drew it out and headed back to the bed, letting his free hand brush across Simon's lower back. He swore the man shivered at his touch.

Pouring carefully, he half-filled the mug, and held it out to Simon, waiting for him to take it before clinking his bottle against it lightly. " _Gan bei_!"

Simon returned the toast and sipped delicately from the mug. He looked around and finding nowhere else to sit except next to Mal, he lowered himself gingerly to the bed, leaving a foot or so between them. Mal turned his head, finding himself unable to focus on anything besides Simon's lips as he drank and then licked around his mouth slowly.

"I was wondering, Captain…" Simon blinked at Mal curiously and then continued, "Uh… next time we're on a world that has such things… I… well, I'd like to take River…" he trailed off, and Mal stopped watching his mouth and finally met Simon's eyes. "Are you okay?"

"I'm just shiny, thank you." Mal smiled widely. "You take your sister anywhere you like, doc. As long as it's not directly into the path of the Alliance, I’m good with it." He patted Simon's leg companionably and drank another swallow of wine.

~//~

"O-kay. Well, thank you, I think." Simon took another sip of his own drink, then made to get up, sure he should just leave Mal to his cups, since he was obviously already halfway there.

Mal pulled him back down by the arm, and shifted closer. "You don't have to leave so soon, surely?"

Simon felt his heart speed up; the Captain couldn't have any idea how his behavior made Simon feel. He placed the mug off to the side and attempted to shift a little further away.

Mal eyed him sideways, then plugged the cork back in his wine bottle and placed it at his feet. "Y'ain't frightened of me, are you?"

"Frightened?" Simon tried not to squeak the word. "There's no reason I should be, is there?"

Mal's eyes were back on his lips, and Simon realized that in his anxiety he'd licked them again. Mal wasn't… he couldn't be… no; it was crazy to even think it.

"Tell ya a secret, doc." Mal's lips were near Simon's ear this time, and a shiver went through him at the warm breath they accompanied. "You're all kinds of intriguin'."

"In-intriguing? H-how d'you mean?" Simon could feel the thump of his heart pulsing through his whole body, and he daren't move for fear of… what? Mal trying something? Wasn't that what he'd wanted for the longest time?

"You'n me, we're not really so different, y'know?" Mal whispered, his lips touching Simon's ear. "Not when it comes right down to it."

Simon hesitated a moment, and then, shifting slowly, turned to look at Mal, who was smiling lop-sidedly at him. "What… what are you saying… exactly?"

Mal huffed a short laugh. "You an' Kaylee; me an' Inara. Not really gettin' anywhere, are we?"

"Oh," Simon let out breathily, partly relieved and partly disappointed. "Seems not, although I'm not sure it's for the same reasons."

Mal shifted backwards, nudging his nose with a finger and winking. "Can think'a some other things we could do instead. You'n me."

"I think I should be going now," Simon got the words out quickly and stood up. He smiled tightly and backed towards the ladder. Even if Mal did mean what Simon thought he did, there was no way he'd want to remember it when he was sober, and Simon was not about to put it to the test. "Thank you for the wine."

~//~

Mal watched Simon flee, sighing to himself. So close and yet so far. Of course the man didn't want anything to do with Mal; not like that. He'd drunk too much, letting his inhibitions down too far, and although he had wondered for a moment if he was seeing fear or hope in Simon's eyes, he'd clearly mistaken the first for the second.

He picked up the bottle from where he'd left it and pulled out the cork. "Just you'n me again tonight, Red. Least you're not likely to break my heart."

Mal settled back on his bunk, swallowing more wine, feeling quite splendid in his isolation.

~//~//~

END


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